The mullet: a true haircut phenomonon. People who sport mullets are a rare breed. An awesome breed. Not to be messed with. Some drive cameros, some rock acdc shirts, and some just rock some sweet sunglasses at night.
I mentioned in my last post that my weekend entertainment consisted of a band called Bon Journey, a cover band that does Bon Jovi and Journey. I am so sorry to announce that I saw NO mullets in the crowd! NOT ONE! I did see some lepoard spandex pants but they hold no interest for me.
Instead I am doing a post dedicated to those rare folks who are few and far between....
The "Biz" Mullet
A Classic example of "Business on top, Party out back." The short part says, "Look at me, I can conform to the man.", while the back says, "Suckers!" Biz mullet works in the shadiest of corporations and often likes to add a pretend zero to the end of his salary. * Look for him on the commute home, blaring Bob Seger, with the top down in his early 90's canary yellow Mazda Miata.
The Permullet
TIME and MONEY is what's needed for the upkeep and maintenance of the Permullet:
TIME in front of the mirror, and MONEY on hair care products, that is. But if the end result is this...then it's definitely worth it.
* There is only 1 drawback to the permullet: A moist surface drowned in chemicals tends to irritate the skin... which leads to neck acne. Girls are NOT into neck acne.
The Famullly Man
It's not common, but every so often a mullet will take the "other" road. The straight and narrow path, focusing on becoming an honest, responsible and productive member of society. They are as dedicated to building a good, solid family unit as they are to preserving their well-kept mullet.
Keeping the mullet reminds them of their youth and delusions of their individuality. It's crucial that these two traits are constantly reassurred in order for the Famully Man to sustain his new, responsible role in society.
In some more poverty stricken families, the mullet actually functions as a toy. (Comparable to a rattle, blocks, etc.) The child grabs/tugs at it, and it is fun...fun for the whole family. As we know, mullets are easily amused.
The Family Mulltrait
"Hell no mom, we're not dressin' up for the family mulltrait. We're wearin' our matching powder-blue and yellow tank tops!" These were the same tank tops they wore when they "necked" the Barbossa twins in the dugout on the baseball field. "High-five bro! Huh huh huh!"
Rapping Frolet
Let's get this party started! Bringin' in 2000-fo like its 1980-fo, yo!
Check-it, I'm Devastatin' Dave, The Turntable Slave and I'm here to make you wave. Come on, come on, put your hands in the aiiiiiir, wave 'em like you just don't caaaare. You like my hair? Break it down: Jerry curl juice runnin down my mullet, oops i gots curls, they call dat a Frollet.
General Contractor Mullet
Construction worker, plumber, electrician & painter are the occupations and classic rock is the inspiration. Non-work days are always spent at ANY sporting event. Mullets that haven't quite reached the high level of the "GCM" (General Contractor Mullet) tend to be "handymen". Taking out overpriced ads in the Pennysaver, the justification is, "It's an honest living." This GCM in particular is ranked high within the mullet community due to many reasons: The length of his mull, the contrast of his mull, and the bleached tips. His occupation has secured him a strong position in the mulligarchy which is reflected by his sure, confident demeanor.
* He just gave his son "Tobey" a tool belt for his 6th birthday.
* Possible delusions of Mel Gibson from Braveheart.
"I am the Mull"
Every once in while a truly great mull comes along like this. It IS a 'Diamond in the ruff', every detail is completely intentional and accounted for. Look at the aero-dynamacy, the colors, the length of this mull. A true craftsman. Now check out the accessories; The 44oz. Big Gulp, the wife beater, the beaded necklace, the aviator sunglasses and finally the baseball hat attached to the belt loop of faded denim shorts. The attitude, the confidence in his stride are also key, undeniable elements that make this mull stand above the rest. 'I - AM - THE - MAN' emanates from within and is projected to all. Good luck dude.
Karoke Mull
As she gazes affectionately at his passionate romantic mull, she actually surpasses her original "bait" role and becomes captivated by this species. The Mull stays focused on the song while keeping his cool. When he finishes, he will smoke his cig, finish his drink, and "nail" the girl...
Femullet
"Get away from me with that camera, punk. Ya, i've got a mullet, so what! What, because i'm a women I can't have a mullet?! Whatever, you're just a MAN you would'nt understand."
As a disclaimer...I truely think mullets are awful, but they are hilarious!
What is your favorite?
